A few weeks ago we had the pleasure of talking to Olympic boxer Harry Garside. At only 27 years old, Harry is an example of resilience and hard work, having won gold at the 2018 Commonwealth Games and bronze at 2020’s Summer Olympics. With a promising career ahead of him and a striking personality, he’s an elite athlete who knows how to take it on the chin metaphorically and literally. We sat down with him to discuss how despite the thrill of success, life’s biggest lessons actually come from defeat.

Do you have plans for kids?

Harry: Yeah, of course. I am. I'm very aware of what has driven me the most in sport, and it’s nothing like public fame or anything close to that. It's not like that. It's more about being a severely insecure low self-worth little boy. So I want to make sure I conquer all that before I have kids. I just know my flaws. They're our biggest mirrors. If I passed some chaotic nature of myself onto someone else I’d feel extremely guilty.

Making us look introspectively to see what we could pass on before even raising them up.

Harry: Yeah! I've really thought about this a lot. If you've ever listened to Dr. Gabor Maté, he's really fascinating, he was separated from his mother when he was 18 months old during the Holocaust. Grew up believing “I'm not lovable, I'm not worthy” all this stuff. It’s just wild how these pivotal moments can change the trajectory of someone's internal belief. It blows my mind.

Anything can have an impact on our mental health during those first years of our lives. Every action we take has ramifications.

Harry: That’s right. I think about my parent's generation, and maybe yours as well. It was very much like cowboy parenting. I've got a lot of independence growing up but didn't feel that emotionally connected to my parents at times. But then again our generation is so focused on being the perfect parent. I wonder if that could also have a negative impact. I don't know. 
It makes me a bit anxious but I can't wait to be a dad, though. I think it's gonna be amazing. 

100%. It'll be great. Let's talk about setbacks. A big and inevitable part of any professional athlete's career. How have they shaped you as a boxer?

Harry: I think it's almost like the best thing to ever happen. When you're in it, sucks, yeah. Losing or failing sucks for sure. I went to the Paris Olympics and I fell on my face in front of the whole of Australia and the world. Humiliating, right? But then in that, you get up and you rebuild yourself, it's quite beautiful. 

Obviously, you don't want to fail, you don't want to suffer, but it is always the best thing to happen. Just the growth I'm going to have next year because of the failure I faced this year. It's going to be quite amazing. 

How do you approach it?

Harry: My approach has evolved over the years. The way I try to handle it now is to sit in it. 

The world tells you to just get up, dust yourself off and go again. And maybe that’s good in some moments. My parents would always say that to me “You'll be alright, go again.” But there’s the risk you run the same pattern and make the same mistakes. 

Now, after the Paris Olympics in July, I chose to sit in the mud and not go to a boxing gym for three months. I just genuinely sat in it and said to myself “You failed and that's okay. Sit in that. Own that, and then keep going. You didn't do what you said you were going to do.” I needed to reflect on what happened and why so that I could get back up, and make sure the next thing I say, I achieve. That's the only way I've learnt: To sit in the mud and actually reflect on what I did wrong. 

Are failing or setbacks, or the feeling that comes with it, an important part of growth?

Harry: Definitely, yeah. I don't think you appreciate the win as much when you consistently win. I've failed at times in my life and I've had consecutive wins. You start feeling a bit complacent and the foot goes off the gas a little bit. You start cutting a few more corners or not following your diet as strictly. 

You need those punches in the gut to just go “Hey this is the real deal, and if you don't want it someone else will want it more” I'm definitely feeling that right now. I need to reflect on what my priorities are.

You said after your bronze in Tokyo you had a bit of an empty feeling. Have you processed that feeling, and where it came from?

Harry: It's a weird thing, right? I started my boxing journey as a pretty insecure, timid young boy. It’s crazy to think of the transformation and the journey I've been on over the last two decades.

I always thought an Olympic gold medal was going to change how I felt about myself. When I started the journey, I did something that I didn't think I was capable of and got a bronze medal at my first-ever Olympic Games. First medal in 33 years.

 
Harry: I strive for things really hard. I'm a hard worker. I'm still going to set massive goals. But I’m not going into it thinking it's going to change how I feel about myself. I care more about how I treat other people, how I am disciplined and show up to a training session or how I have structured my day-to-day life.

That's how I build a connection with myself.

How do you further strengthen that connection?

Harry: Those little actions on our day-to-day. Owning your word, being kind to someone else, standing in line at a coffee shop and talking to the old person behind you. Little moments like that, connecting, being human, real, authentic. Not taking yourself too seriously, and being able to have a laugh. That’s where I feel more in tune with myself. 

When I'm in flow and do these things often, I find myself boxing better, performing better, and showing up to work things better.

There would be a lot of highs and lows going on at the Olympic Village, so many different emotions. What was that like?

Harry: The Olympic Village is interesting because there are winners and losers all in the same place. Your boxing team, the Australian team, the whole Olympic Village in general. It's pretty wild. You have people who are on cloud nine, they've done something they dreamed of from a young age. And then you also got people who fell really hard, right? I had my first Olympic Games when I was 23 and had success. It was so amazing. I dreamed of this from a young age. And then to go three years later and to fall on my face… It was quite hard. 

The right thing to do is to support your teammates. So it's about being a good person, a good teammate and being there to support them. Of course, it was hard. You’re constantly reminded that things didn't go how you thought they would. But it's important to sit in that. There’ve been times I've run away from those uncomfortable emotions and tried to escape them. I think the only way out is through, not escapism. To face it, sit in it, and move through it rather than let it haunt you for two years.

If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self about failure, what would that be?

Harry: I don't believe I would give a word of advice, I’d just hug him. Yeah, my younger self would have needed just that. He failed so many times. Before I started boxing, I was always second or third in every sport I played. I was mid-pack. I was the youngest of three boys, so I compared myself to my fearless brothers, who were bigger, stronger and better. I think I needed that, I needed to feel all those values, all that suffering, all those insecure, inferior moments in my life because it's made me really hungry now.

There's always that little chip on my shoulders to prove myself. It's a blessing and a curse, right? It's a good thing, it makes me get up, wander more and show how capable I am. But then, at the same time, sometimes I think that I'm quite small, insecure, inferior, but I think I'm just balancing it.

A true gentleman with a lot of depth and heart, we can’t wait to see what the future holds for Harry.

In collaboration with Harry Garside and our partnership with Beyond Blue, we're launching our mental health platform "The Empowered Mind Hub." A digital environment where we provide tools, advice and resources for men to improve on different aspects of their lives.

Join the conversation and learn about our "Blue Shirt" initiative, where we raise awareness and actively contribute to Beyond Blue's Support Service.